Talking Properly
Due to the fact that without words, concepts do not exist, this section is progressively going to be filled in with terms and definitions to help us express ourselves comfortably in sex-related conversations.
Sex
noun
There are many things which people may refer to when they talk about sex.
The main definitions are:
1. (chiefly with reference to people) sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.
2. either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and most other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive functions. (this one is often used as a synonym to 'gender' which is problematic. See the term 'gender' for more details)
Gender
noun
Either of the two sexes (male and female), especially when considered with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones. The term is also used more broadly to denote a range of identities that do not correspond to established ideas of male and female.
Although often used interchangeably with 'sex', they have different connotations; sex tends to refer to biological differences, while gender to cultural and social differences and a broader range of identities than the binary of male and female
Consent
noun / verb
Giving approval and permission for something to happen.
Agree to do something (not under coercion)
Syn: agreement, concurrence, to accept, to approve
Consent in sexual matters is a very important concept.
It includes agreeing, giving permission and saying yes to sexual activity with others. Additionally, the person must feel that they can say yes or no at any point after that. Consent doesn’t stop after the initial agreement, and all parties should always feel safe to say no.
Consent must also be unambiguous – through mutual understandable words or actions and cannot be given validity if the person is incapacitated in any way.
Consent should never be assumed, and everyone taking part is responsible for making sure that consent is had. It shouldn’t be assumed, especially when:
Body language or appearance is involved.
Just because ‘she was wearing a tight dress’ or ‘he winked at me’ – that DOES NOT equal consent
You are dating the person or have engaged in sexual activity before
Each occurrence is a separate thing and should be treated with equal respect
You are married
Marital rape is just as serious as any other form of rape or sexual assault. There must be mutual respect and consent every time
The person is silent, doesn’t resist, is passive or not mobile
A person who isn’t responding clearly is not agreeing
If the answer isn’t a CLEAR ‘YES’ – the answer is NO. It’s not consent
Incapacitation
Consuming alcohol or drugs can make someone unable to consent
Alcohol is often used to weaken individuals in these situations, making the perpetrator feel they can excuse their actions – ‘they were drunk, we were drunk’ – this is NOT acceptable and does not constitute consent
CIS
- shortened from Cisgender
Relating to a person whose personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex
It is also sometimes defined as those who perform a gender role which society considers appropriate for their sex
Related terms: cissexism and cisnormativity
HET / heterosexual
- adjective
Relating to romantic or sexual attraction or behaviour between persons of the opposite sex or gender
Heterosexuality is one of three main classifications of sexual orientation – along with bisexuality and homosexuality
Transgender
adjective
Used to define those who have a gender identity or expression of gender which is different from their assigned sex (determination of sex at birth)
It is also used as an umbrella term for those who are not exclusively masculine or feminine
Being transgender is completely independent of sexual orientation
See: Transsexual
Transsexual
adjective
Typically, this term is used to describe a person who physically transitions from male to female or vice versa
However, some feel it should not always refer to physical change
The use in terms is not always clearly defined to everyone’s satisfaction and should be treated with respect and understanding in conversation
Homosexual
adjective
Used to describe romantic or sexual attraction or behaviour toward members of the same sex or gender
Homosexuality is one of three main classifications of sexual orientation – along with heterosexuality and bisexuality
BI - Bisexual
adjective
Used to describe romantic or sexual attraction or behaviour toward both males and females
Sometimes it is also used to refer to this attraction to people of any sex or gender identity, though that is often referred to as pansexuality
Bisexuality is one of three main classifications of sexual orientation – along with heterosexuality and homosexuality
It does not necessarily mean equal sexual attraction to both sexes
Asexual
Adjective
Used to describe the lack of sexual attraction to others or low or non-existent interest of desire for sexual activity
It does not mean abstention from sexual activity or being celibate (choosing not to have sex), but rather those who identify as being asexual may continue to engage in activity for many reasons (such as pleasing partners, having children, etc)
Queer
adjective
An umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities
While originally meaning ‘strange’ or ‘unusual’ it has been reclaimed to establish community and assertion of an identity which is distinct from the gay identity
It is also increasingly used in describing non-normative identities and politics
LGBTQI
or LGBTQ+
Stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning, and Intersex
the + symbol is representative of other genders and sexualities not covered by those letters (such as nonbinary, pansexual)
STI / STD
noun
STI : Sexually Transmitted Infection/ STD: Sexually Transmitted Disease - any infection which can be spread through sexual activity (not necessarily penetration)
See for a comprehensive look:
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/sexually-transmitted-infections-stis/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexually_transmitted_infection